fmothers typically have 2 takes on it: "my baby was stolen/i had no choice."
PAP's and AP's seem to have two thoughts: "well, we could always adopt(because it's really our second choice) or "after i put out all this money to get a baby, THIS is my luck....to be stuck with a defiant brat that is NOTHING like me???"
adoptees have one of two responses as well, although they fluctuate between the fog of, "yes, i do feel lucky and grateful. adoption is the best thing ever. and so therefore, i must keep these thoughts top of mind so i don't accidentally fuck up and get sent back to the people who couldn't stand me in the first place." or...............they get with reality and understand that adoption, as a whole, is a lose-lose situation.
we lose in adoption. our fmother lost a piece of her very core. the adoptee loses her mother, her history, culture, medical past, her name, the facts of her birth, her siblings, and many times, even the knowledge of who her father might possibly be.
the adopters lose out on having their REAL kid which is what they wanted all along. and then they have to deal with children that are polar opposites of every one in the family, and they may spend years trying to fix it, make it easier or better....as if the kid was meant to be in the family.
all of this is just exhausting for the parties involved. it really is.
what's the solution? believe it or not, i wonder if the "it takes a village" plan will ever be a possibility for the future of our country. seems to be working just fine in other countries around the world, as long as people are honest and keep it simple, and as long as we don't try to 'fix it', or convince them otherwise.
why do we have SUCH an attachment to making a family by any means possible? we need to be more accepting of what we can and can not accomplish naturally without destroying families at all costs and justifying doing it simply "because we can".