Saturday, July 30, 2011

all lies. except that i'm a girl with brown eyes and hair.


brown eyes

brown hair

5 pounds 3 ounces

19 inches

Mother: brown hair and eyes. Competitive swimmer. In college preparatory courses. Her father lives in another country. Russian decent. Negative health history. 5'3", 125#. Several aunts and uncles, several siblings. Protestant.

Father 5'10". Enrolled in college in engineering. Athletic, negative health history. Protestant.

The natural mother was very concerned for her child, and therefore chose adoption.

Carol Owens - Social Worker

i'm "un-done", so here's an "un-done" post.......

late june, 1984.  route 28 north.  summer vacation. big blue station wagon, with my skating dresses and tights all packed, on the way to lake placid to practice for the first 6 weeks of summer, no less than a million hours a day, both on and off the ice.  the 4 hour car ride felt like a million years to me every time.

"tell me the story again, ma."

"sure:)  your mother was very young......and she knew she couldn't take care of you, and she loved you so much, she gave you away to a family that she knew could give you what you needed.  love, time, care."

i remember sitting in the passenger side, trying to figure this out.  "try harder to figure it out."  that's what i kept telling myself.  if adoption didn't make sense to me, i must not be trying hard enough to figure it out. 

adoption didn't make sense to me that summer, or any of the summers before, or any of the summers, winters or springs of falls since.  all i knew, and know, for SURE, is that it makes no sense.

never has, never will.

to be continued.........

Friday, July 29, 2011

the nail lady: living conditions

j:  hey tracy- long time no see.  how in the world are you?

t: oh, fye fye fye.  what new fah you?

j: hmm.  went on vacation, still job hunting and do you watch the tv show "hoarders"?

t: no tye fah tv.  no tye, no tye.

j: well, it's about people who can't stop buying shit.  they buy some stuff that's the same as they already own and they buy more stuff, whether they can afford it or not.  then they have all this stuff in their house and can hardly move from room to room.

t: who lib lye dat?

j: people who hoard.  some people even hoard animals and they'll have like, 50 cats or 25 dogs or a room full of lizards or whatnot.

t: but why?  why dey lib lye dat?

j: i don't know man.  all i can tell you is that i can not tolerate shit like that.  i can't even go to bed with a dirty fork in the sink.  the drawers have to be closed perfectly, the towels have to be even, the laundry done, the floors clean, the bathroom spotless, the dog and cat toys are put away, their beds straightened, and when i'm in bed, the sheets have to be even, the pillows perfect.....the tv at a particular angle, the magazines put away in my night stand.....good Lord,  HOW do people LIVE with HOARDERS!?

t: how the FUCK does faith live with YOU?