holy god.
last night faith and i watched "mother and child". needless to say, i feel like slitting my throat, but i digress.
anyway.....faith was saying that she learned new parts of me. that my verbiage re: sally had always concerned her bc i would say things like,
"i hate that wretched fucking SICK excuse for a fucking ****!"
"if she ever crossed my path she should DEFINITELY, RIGHTLY call the police if she felt like she wanted to see the FUCKING dawn of tomorrow...."
"nothing would make me happier than to fucking god damn HOOF it to NJ and choke the ever FUCKING life out of that heartless fucking excuse for for a pathetic replica of a human being...."
anyhow, last night, watching the movie, we paused it, and i fucking lost.my.MIND.
she said to me, "your feelings toward her are so violent.....i don't know how to help you."
and then it happened..............................
"LET ME FUCKING EXPLAIN SOME SIMPLE FUCKING "ABC" SHIT TO YOU!!!! that bitch grew me! she birthed me. she made the decision to HAVE me, and JUST as simply made another CHOICE to Leave me. SHE.left ME. she deserted me and i can't forgive her unless she takes me back."
so there you have my bottom fucking line. i could kill that mother fucker with my bare hands, and rejoice in every second of it.
but what would heal me is if she just said to me, "you know, it's hard for me to admit, but i guess i DO have some feelings of love for you."
((jeni))
ReplyDeleteShit, Jeni. That movie ripped my heart out of my body. I went with Irish and I cried through the last half of it. My brother had just dumped me. I felt so estranged from anything that made sense to me, anything that *would* make sense to a first mom with a heart.
ReplyDeleteWish I were there to give you a hug and tell you in person that I get it. I really do. And it sucks.
I'm sorry Jeni.
ReplyDelete(((YOU)))
((((Jeni))) I hated this movie. Absolutely. It was awful.
ReplyDeleteI haven't watched it, though I was given a copy a few weeks ago. I'd probably be inclined to throw wrenches at the TV set.
ReplyDeleteI have not seen it - sounds as if maybe I should.... maybe not.... not sure.
ReplyDelete